A Horse Meat Conflict

To budge in one's convictions is the same as having no convictions at all. A tough man will not sway in a belief but will nail his feet to the tracks rather than move for the train. I once met such a tough man, he talked a tough talk and he walked a tough walk. With my head on a bar table, drunk to exhaustion, I listened as the tough man told a tough tale about his tough dog. The next morning I read in the local newspaper a story entitled, A Horse Meat Conflict.....
Hunger is a strong feeling that drives every life form on the planet Earth. It is this hungry feeling that can force reactive actions to come into play. The tough man was a hungry man who would feed his hunger with greed. The tough man was a gambler, a cheater, and a winner. He had a big, tough, hungry dog, which he would feed with horse meat. On one gambling adventure the tough man won the shirt off an opponent as well as a Tiny Dog. As soon as the Tiny Dog entered the tough mans humble abode the Tiny Dog made his presence known and established himself as a good, faithful guard dog. The tough dog had a problem taking a back seat to its new companion as the role of dog-of-the-house. The Tiny Dog would bark at people approaching the door or when somebody would walk by a window, the things a good dog does. The tough man looked at his new dog as a burden and an annoying one at that. While the tough dog was eating horse meat the Tiny Dog would eat table scraps, if he was lucky. Even with the mistreatment by his owner and resentment and anger by his fellow canine, the Tiny Dog continued to be an alert guard dog. One night, late, very late, the Tiny Dog was alerted by a suspicious noise and began barking loud and concerned. Annoyed, the tough dog walked up to the Tiny Dog and tried to swallow him whole. In the morning the tough man was found dead and shirtless. The tough dog was found with the Tiny Dog in his mouth, both dead, lying next to a full bowl of horse meat.

The Lion and the Lamborghini

Human history is quite an interesting story, looking back that is. The one's of old, my ancestors, started out as hungry scavengers and cautious gatherers, then became skilled hunters and creative inventors, now all I see around me are frugal shoppers and innocent bystanders. Drunk on a train to a small zoo, in a big city, in a small state, in a big country, I met an old man from the future. The future he talked about was not minutes or days ahead of the present, it was decades away and, as he said many a time, we would not live to see it. One ranted story caught my attention more than the rest, it is a story of dexterity and peace, it is the story of The Lion and the Lamborghini......
Want and need are words tossed around here and there without too much of a thought to their actual meaning. A Lion needs to hunt and kill to eat and survive and a human needs a Lamborghini to attract a suitable mate to procreate. That is how it was in the past, things are different tens of thousands of days in the future. When all of man, minus one, left the planet Earth because the needs here were too small and the food for the need was in the cosmos, life was simple. At this time in evolution, many animals had evolved thought and reason. The animals who came out ahead in this evolution were, unsurprisingly, the hunters. Of the many hunters on planet Earth, the Lions developed the biggest wit and intellect. Using their evolved smarts, the Lions became more picky with which foods they were eating and required a drink with their meal. Then eventually the Lions began raising their own food on farms and stores were opened up with the shelves full of delicious meat. On the day Lions began wearing clothing there were ten tornados, a hurricane or two, and an earthquake on every continent. It was a day to be celebrated. Years wasted away and the one man left on planet Earth was getting older. There was peace between Lions and Lambs, because another meat was preferred by the Lions. All was well on planet Earth again. The one man left on planet Earth wanted to go back to a more simple time. Left on planet Earth after the abandonment was a very unusual machine. It was a machine that looked like a train car. There was one button in this machine, it was yellow and had the word "PAST" etched into it. Once at the machine, before pressing the yellow button, the man glanced outside to see a Lion, driving a Lamborghini.

A Pillow in The Coffin

Wickedness and righteousness are very dissimilar at first glance, but a keen eye can see, with clarity, past the distortion. I once knew a very educated and religious man. He was a thinker as well as a drinker, and our paths would cross frequently at multiple bars and libraries across this fine planet. His claims of righteousness still ring in my ears, for he was a Righteous man. Some of his stories I shall never forget, this one is my favorite....
A mile is a long way, thousands of miles is a journey. The Righteous man had completed many journeys in his long, righteous life. Early in his long, righteous life, the Righteous man had discovered religion. His grandfather had given him the best gift any boy could ever hope to receive, The Holy Bible. The Righteous man, then a boy, read every page, every scripture, front and back. He memorized every story and every detail of his Holy book. The Righteous man, as a boy, would walk around his town and preach the words of this Holy book, to anyone who would hear him. This preaching became the Righteous mans calling. Through his teenage years and then into adulthood, the Righteous man would travel from town to town, city to city, state to state, and eventually, country to country, preaching from his Holy book. One day while preaching in a far off land, the Righteous man was approached by a young native child. The child had listened to the fascinating stories told by the Righteous man and was very intrigued. Never owning a book before nor having read a single page in his lifetime, the Native Boy held out his hands to the Righteous man in hopes the Righteous man would place the Holy book between them. The Righteous man refused politely and kept preaching his Holy words. Confused, the Native Boy waited for the Righteous man to finish his sermon then held out his hands again, in hopes of holding the Holy book. This time the Righteous man ignored the Native Boy and walked away. Disappointed, the Native Boy took the mile long walk back to his village. Seeing the Native Boy walking away, a fellow traveler pursued the retreating Righteous man to question him as to why he did not allow the Native Boy to hold the Holy book. With a quick and simple response the Righteous man simply said in simple words, "Because, giving the child the book is like putting A Pillow in The Coffin."

The Ups and Downs of Trampolining

With a heavy heart and a milkshake, I write this story of tragedy and destiny. Being a patron of many bars in many places, I happen upon interesting stories as frequently as Sunday. My stumbles have taken me to many a place, but for this story, that will some day become legend, I was seated in an Irish Pub in the suburbs of Rhode Island. So with open ears and a belly full of rum I listened to a grieving mothers tale of The Ups and Downs of Trampolining....

Toys, trains and model airplanes are the wishes of most children during the Christmas holiday, but this was not the case for a very special child who always wanted something different and something new. This Difficult child would not settle for the ordinary, he would only settle for the extraordinary, which in this case was a very large trampoline. The parents of the Difficult child would explain to him the dangers of such an item, given the small stature of the boy, but all the Difficult child would do is complain and tell his parents that they did not love him. Frustration was a common emotion expressed by the parents, so on Christmas day, to quiet the boys babbling, there was a very large, very dangerous trampoline assembled in the back yard. Without even opening any of the other presents, which were neatly wrapped under the tree, the Difficult child made his way to the back yard to enjoy the present he fought so hard to receive. For several minutes the Difficult child jumped up and down on the trampoline, enjoying the feeling of falling and the feeling of flying. The Difficult child even had his hands in his pockets to make himself more aerodynamic. What went unnoticed in this event was the neighbors Obese Child observing the Difficult child. Wobbling out to join in the fun, the Obese Child climbed the small ladder and began jumping. When the two children landed on the trampoline surface at the same time, tragedy struck. The Difficult child flew in three directions, up and out and eventually down. With his hands still in his pockets the boy fell head first into the rocky terrain of back yard and died instantly. Oblivious to what just had happened the Obese Child decided that the trampoline was boring. He went back inside to play with his toys, trains and model airplanes.

The Old Elephant and The Hopscotch Tournament

Several years back, on my journey across the world as we know it, I stumbled across an old Sheik with many stories. He would tell of rags to riches and of moral dilemmas, of the personal sort. There is one story in particular that still sticks out in my memory from this peculiar man. This would be the story he told of The Old Elephant and The Hopscotch Tournament. I will try to retell this story in all of it's glory and circumstance....
So it goes, as it always has, that elephants are humongous, clumsy animals with a good memory and a tamable attitude. Well, the older the elephant the smarter he is, this was the case of the Old Elephant in this story. This Old Elephant was so intelligent that he had taught himself how to speak. After he mastered the local vocabulary he began to learn how to walk on two legs. When this magnificent feat had been accomplished he then taught himself how to run. Once all of his mobile skills had been acquired the Old Elephant took a liking to the children's activity we know as hopscotch. Through practice and dedication the Old Elephant became quite good at hopscotch, so good in fact that he challenged the very skilled local children to a tournament of the hopscotch variety. People came from near, far, here and there to witness such a spectacle. Thousands were in attendance as the tournament began. The Old Elephant tried so hard, he tried his best, but the children beat him quickly and decisively. As the crowds were subsiding and everyone was going back to their lives, the Old Elephant sat questioning why he had lost so easily when he had trained so hard. Nobody in the departing crowd had an answer to his question. When the locals were all that remained at the tournament site, a small child walked up to the Old Elephant with wisdom way beyond her years and said, "You're an Elephant." So it goes, as it always has.

Creation of Mirror Man...

I did not want to do this, but I am forced to so you can fully understand the creation and eventual destruction of Mirror Man. So against all good judgement I begin my story with a cliché opening.....
Once upon a time there lived an extremely lonely man. His house was filled with stuffed animals and dolls, which this man called his friends. Each toy had a name and a distinct personality. Through the years the man's friends began to dislike one another and rivalries arose. Even more time passed and eventually all of the friends hated each other, as well as the lonely man. The man sank into an even deeper depression than he was in before. He gathered up all of his old friends and burned them in the fireplace. As the fire burned and dozens of once friends became none, the lonely man sat with glazed eyes sipping his cranberry juice. When the straw began to struggle for more juice to reach his taste buds, he snapped out of the stupor. Realizing he was lonely once again the man came up with a plan. The plan was simple yet complicated. The simple part was the idea and the hard part was gathering up the materials for the idea to work. As far as ideas go, getting a girlfriend was one of the best thoughts to ever come out of the lonely man. The problem with the lonely man's idea was obtaining women's clothing so he could become his own girlfriend. What could the man do? Another tough situation with a simple solution. The lonely man created a dress for himself out of twigs, berries, and leaves. There could never have been a more perfectly fitting dress in the history of dresses. The lonely man did a good job. Years and years passed again with the man and his new girlfriend. Many years of happiness and companionship. But over time the constant agreement and understanding between the couple became a huge problem in the relationship and the man realized what had to happen. Into the fireplace went the perfect dress made of twigs, berries, and leaves. Watching another friend and companion turn to ashes really did a number to the man's state of mind. He was once again lonely. Now in a state of rage and panic, the lonely man began pacing back and forth, talking to himself. The once sane man could feel himself slipping into insanity. While pacing the man caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. The object was perfect. The object was indiscriminate. The object was there all along. This is when lonely man met Mirror Man. No words were exchanged between lonely man and Mirror Man, only blinks and stares. Years did not pass, nor months, nor weeks, just hours and days. All the man could do was stare at Mirror Man. He could not eat or drink, the only thing on his mind was his new friend. As minutes became hours and hours became days the man took a long, hard look at Mirror Man and then before his very eyes the Mirror Man was destroyed and all that was left was a mirror in a cold, dark room.